Entitlement vs. Earning It
Ventura Star, May 2, 2005
By Terry Paulson, PhD

It's been a long time since we have had a teenager in our home, but you don't forget the struggles over limits and discipline. You can still hear the creative outbursts that came out of what at one time had been a cute little baby. In those trying years, teens always feel entitled to a bigger allowance, a car and a curfew of dawn. After saying "no" to teenagers, they never wake up saying: "Thank you, Dad. I realize what you did last night was real caring. You cared enough to set limits. You didn't give in! Years from now, I know I will appreciate what you did. In fact, I'd like you to disappoint me again today. It will help build my character!"

If my son had said that, I would have sent him to a therapist. Something would obviously have been wrong with the boy! It's the adult parent's job to set limits and weather the storms most teens create. That's why I used to love the Bill Cosby Show. Bill Cosby, as the wise but fun parent, had such memorable lines.

When Theo said, "You can afford it, dad. We are rich!" Bill would pause and say, "No, Theo. Your mom and I are rich. You are poor."

"Won't you give me any money for my car?" Theo would plead. Bill responded, "I'll match what your friends will give you."

We laughed, and we learned. We loved those shows because they supported the values that we as parents were trying to instill in our son. We valued earning your way by studying hard, working hard, not buying on credit, saving some of what you make so your money works for you, giving a share to your church and those in need and earning the successes you dream of achieving. We had learned those values from our parents.

When I listen to far too may adults today, I fear that I am seeing "teenagers" who never grew up. Maybe they never had a parent or a government who cared enough to say 'no!" Out of their parents' abundance and desire not to be like their parents, too many became "compassionate parents" who spoiled their children and taught them to expect that they were entitled to whatever they needed or wanted. These "teenage" adults our culture has helped create don't like anyone saying "no." They want what they want; they want it now; and they want someone else to pay for it!

So today, when the state faces a financial crisis and our Governator comes to Sacramento to bring fiscal sanity to an overdrawn budget and bloated bureaucracy, people used to receiving their entitlements start screaming. When he starts to limit costly programs to only the neediest Californians, he is called "mean." Adult "teens" call for a new, kinder "parent" to take the governor's place as If saying, "If you really cared, you wouldn't say 'no' to ME!"

When George Bush signed the bill making bankruptcy harder to file and required more Americans to pay back a bigger portion of the debts they owe, more adult "teens" squawked-"That's not fair! You're spoiling our unlimited credit card party!"

Rob Reiner, Michael "Meathead" Stivic from All in the Family fame, hasn't changed a bit from the character he used to play. He's still trapped in the radical entitlement mentality he helped personify. The issue of whether universal pre-school is a good or bad idea is debatable and worth exploring, but his strategy for paying for this new entitlement is pure teenager! Let's have the "other guy" pay for it! Let's have the top 1.5% of California income earners foot the bill for everyone else's preschool bill. How many Californians do you think would vote for this proposition if every voter had to equally pay the same share of the bill-"No way, don't touch my allowance!"

Even when it comes to God, adult "teens" want no talk about "The Truth" of Holy Scripture or the wisdom of thousands of years of religious tradition. They want no lectures! To teens of any age, all truth is obviously relative; they want a god shaped to meet their needs and willing to affirm their behavior no matter what it is! Can't you hear the teens shout-"Their parents let them do it!"

Ever since God came down from Mt. Sinai and said to mankind, "Stop Sinning," people have been trying to shape their god into their own image. So when a "religious adult" who is grounded in Scripture and religious tradition is selected as Pope, the name calling reaches a fierce crescendo!

I guess teenagers never change…no matter what their age!

Dr. Terry Paulson is a psychologist, speaker and author of The Dinner: The Political Conversation Your Mother Told You Never to Have

—May we never forget how truly blessed we are!